剪刀石頭布…

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;
Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my Daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet.”

Denials.

     Yesterday was lot  of fun. I slept so late, but still woke up the time i usually did…maybe even earlier. For same random, but good, reason, I have this urge to read the Bible. John 18:25-27. Peter’s Second and Third Denials. Taking some time, just look into the words. “well, it doesn’t really apply to me,” I thought to myself. Its like one of those, just another day, another passage, and I am reading Bible cuz its good for me kinda feeling: got nothing out of it.  I mean, if people do ask me these days, “are you Jesus’ disciples?” i would yell out a big YES with no hesitation. Here in America, I don’t feel the pressure of being persecuted or just anything negative when I tell people about God and the whole Christianity thing. Then it suddenly hit me. “What does it mean by denying Jesus?” It cannot be just about saying the words: “I am not [one of his disciples].” Thinking back to the whole idea of Christianity as a life style not religion, “Can we deny Jesus in our action?” In other words, “are you acting like a Christian when you call yourself one?” I feel convicted. 

     This is something i definitely need to work on, to live more like a REAL Christian. “Man, its hard!” I said to myself. So I prayed to Him, seek His help. I thank Him for reminding me that I need to live a more Christian life. Then, I ask for strength and determination. I ask Him to guard my heart that I will not fall into temptations.

     “Jesus, I want to be more like you. I want to have a life style that glorifies you. so, mold me. Make me the way you want me to be. May my personal, worldly desire will not take over your perfect plan for me. You know what is the best for me, and i place my trust in your plan.”

How He answered me.

“²⁰I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. ²¹A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. ²²So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. ²³In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. ²⁴Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.”

John 16:20-24

我想回家…

So…my computer crashed 5 days ago right when i thought that my life is getting better. my hard drive died on me for no reason. apple wasn’t able to retrieve anything because the hard drive is too damaged. if i really want my data back, i need to pay 1,600 buks. yeah, story of my life. series of unfortunate events.

I felt drained, physically and spiritually. one thing after another, doesn’t seem like there is an end to this. I am usually pretty optimistic and hopeful, but i am not so sure about this time. I want to go home. For the first time in my life, i feel like i want to run away from all these so badly. 

i prayed, prayed that He will give me strength to go through all these. i hope, that my heart is open to receive it from Him.

Now, i am still praying, still trying to listen, and still waiting….

i really don’t know how long this wait can be. but i pray that it will come soon.

[01.29.09]He is good….He is good…He is good to me…

I don’t know if it is because of the sickness, the horrible ochem midterm, the pressure of the upcoming friday physics quiz, or just the feeling of being occupied 24/7……I felt extremely down and so out of it yesterday. During large group, the worship is good, the speaker is even better, but…I am not really absorbing anything. Everything is happening around me, without me being part of it. I feel like crying but i have no good reason to cry.

Afterwards, I wanted to talk to someone, but everyone seems so busy talking to their friends. They seems so happy that I do not want to disturb their happiness with my unexplainable sadness. I went though every single number on my phone, hoping to find someone to call…nothing…I wanted to walk in the darkness alone. I don’t know, but sometimes, i really enjoyed walking aimlessly in a dark cold night….

now all i am telling myself is that….

He is good…He is good…He is good…He is good to me.

[His love song to me]

I know that life seems hard, cruel and unkind
A lonesome journey with questions in your mind
I’ll hold your weary hand as you walk down the road
Remember you’re never alone

Whenever you need somebody
Whenever you want someone
To reach out and touch you
With a love that is strong
Whenever you need somebody
Whenever you want a friend
To chase away the clouds
and help the sun shine again
I will be that friend

If I could have one wish this I would pray
A heavenly miracle, your pain to drift away
So I’ll keep on prayin’ until that day comes
Remember that I’ll be the one

Whenever you need somebody
Whenever you want someone
To reach out and touch you
With a love that is strong
Whenever you need somebody
Whenever you want a friend
To chase away the clouds and help the sun shine again
I will be that friend

I’ll give you strength in times you’re feeling weak
I’ll give you hope and help you to believe

[01.22.09] Lord, I can never cease to praise.

I praise you for everything that you’ve done for me. Through this 21-days fast, you gave me determination and the privilege to understand the TRUE MEANING and the POWER of prayer. I praise you for all the miracles you done TO me and THROUGH me. God, YOU ARE AMAZING.

 

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT AND MERCIFUL, ALWAYS BRING ME BACK TO YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I DRIFTED AWAY.

[12.28.08] Blessed

Where am i going...

                                                           [He is who he said He is...]

I am sooo BLESSED by Him. i am not going into details. but God is awesome (i kept using this word cuz i cannot find a better word to describe Him)!! i prayed and the prayer was answered in five minutes. He saved my butt every freaking single time!!! You can tell me that it is coincidence, but coincident doesn’t happen that often ya kno. Praise God.

                                                             [I don't understand....]

I think i am going back to the “I-think-she-is-better-than-me” state. I needa stop thinking. cuz it is not true. even if it is. i shouldnt be comparing. i am His creation, unique in my own way. but, theses thoughts are looping in my brain again and again. I don’t understand. why is it still there after all these years? I thought I already let go. or Maybe i didn’t? Maybe deep in my heart, I don’t want to. 

My guy friends always tell me that girls are hard to understand. I agree, cuz even I cannot figure myself out and i got confuse when i tried to dig deeper into my complex brain. I don’t know where this is going and i don’t know how to end this thing….

but i need to stop comparing myself to her pictures. stop trying to look like her.

Tell me how.

[12.24.08] Just another very common post

12.24.08 Christmas Eve, what else can you talk about?? Merry Christmas of course! 

Actually, to my family, there is not much Christmas to celebrate. Last minute, my grandparents decided to go to vegas with my uncles and their family, so no more annual Christmas family dinner. What is left is Christmas Eve service at my church. I love Christmas, I love the lights, the songs, the cold weather, the snow, the tasty and pretty cookies. I was excited about Christmas. but not so much now. I do wish, my Christmas can be more than just that.   

Thank you <3

Well, I do feel more Christmas-y after delivering some cards to friends around my area, reading Christmas cards from Michael, Danielle, and Lisa. Thanks to you guys! I LOVE THE CARDS  <3 

Other than that, This break had been pretty good overall. many things happened that i have no idea where to start. about God, relationship, friends, family, fun stuff, sad stuff…..etc. i needa find a day just to sit down and write. pour my thoughts out on the computer….in a very unorganized fashion.

But, it will take too long just to do that. so…first thing first.

                   Merry Christmas Everyone

[12.21.08] i feel so…..

werid, antisocial…

i enjoy the time staying in my room with only my computer. when i am out, just doing some grocery, i became grumpy and eager to get home asap. 

what’s wrong with me??

[12.13.08] done….

enof said…

Merry Christmas

Have a wonderful break. I love you all. ♥

apart. 1621